Dearest Susan,

It’s been almost five years since my son Adam passed away and I’ve wanted to write you and thank you for all you do for parents who have lost a child. Grief Haven has been a huge part of my grief process and has made a significant difference. I know Erika is so proud of all you’ve accomplished in her memory.

Adam was the youngest of three children. He was different from our other children; restless, daring, stubborn and very silly. Going through school his teachers and coaches loved him or they thought he was a pain in the butt. Of course we understood, he knew how to yank our parental chains now and again. Adam lived a very full life in his 19 years. He won a corporate scholarship and spent one summer in Sweden and Denmark. He played many high action sports like ice hockey, snow boarding and volleyball. His summer vacations were jam packed with camps and travel. Another summer he scuba-dived in the Florida Keys. Adam loved to volunteer which made him wiser and more appreciative of what he had than most kids his age. As a family we did mission work in rural Maine for many years, where Adam learned first hand how others live in poverty right here in the USA. One summer he assisted a boy all week, so he could have an outdoor camp experience away from home. We were so proud of him.

Adam was 19 years old when he drowned accidentally while camping with friends. He was so handsome, bright and healthy; the news rocked our work in a single telephone call. Adam loved the outdoors and orchestrated the entire event. He was a strong swimmer, Boy Scout lifeguard and scuba certified; so we had great difficulty comprehending the realization that he was never coming home again. We received overwhelming support from church members, family and friends allowing us to get through the funeral and enter into the blue cloud of denial that lasted a good while.

Obviously not a club I would sign up for, however over the years I’ve been introduced to many co-workers and acquaintances that had also lost a child. Meeting them gave me an opportunity to share our story, as well as, learn how they were coping with the death of their child. This helped me tremendously. Like you, I learned the importance of keeping Adam’s memory alive. We started a scholarship fund in the high school Adam graduated, with the donations in lieu of flowers at the funeral. Each year a family member presents the award to the recipient and reflects on the ways Adam touched their lives. On the 1st anniversary of his death, we hosted a picnic for his close friends and we all enjoyed looking through his journey photo album that I made fore him as a graduation gift. Before the kids went home, everyone took a balloon and said a few words to Adam and then we all sent the balloons sailing into the sky at the same time. I believe symbolically it helped many of the friends, cope with what may have been, their first experience with death. For his 21st birthday, we sent out a poem, Remember Me to friends, asking them to light a candle in Adam’s memory. In spite of doing many of these gestures, I still cry when I talk about Adam face to face with others. Thank God for my husband, Adam’s father, he has a good sense of humor and often retells stories about Adams trials and tribulations.

My Aunt in California signed me up for Grief Haven shortly after Adam passed away. She had lost a sister at 25 years old and maybe that’s how she knew about your wonderful efforts. I now forward your email to others in our expanding circle. When asked, I let them know unlike superficial injuries, the healing process when you’ve lost a child lasts a lifetime. Certainly the out wound heals but inside your hear will ache forever. And the hardest part is not knowing whom they would grow up to be or how their lives would unfold, that will leave you unfulfilled as a parent. Our counselor told us we needed to “collect on our hard work.” The analogy was like a piggy bank; parents keep investing in their child until they’re grown. Then, the parents reap the benefits by watching their children take care of themselves. When that opportunity has been stolen from you, the only way to get your pay back is to let their memory live on by talking about them often. From that day forward, we try very hard to do just that.

I’ve enclosed a picture of Adam for the Grief Haven memorial wall and a monetary donation. I’d like the inscription to read: “ To Our Angel in Heaven, Until We Meet Again. Love Mom & Dad.” Susan, thank you listening. You’ve once again given me an opportunity to tell Adam’s story and I am deeply grateful.

Kind regards,

Terry Meisner